this issue of the motherhood newsletter went out to subscribers on April 7th, 2025
The other day, it all got to be too much. The baby needed us constantly. No breaks, no quiet stretches, no playing on his own—just full-on engagement, all day. I found myself watching the mess in the house pile up, needing to clean so I could feel like I could breathe. But there was no space for that. No room to reset.
So I called my mom.
She came over, like she always does when I ask. She held him, soothed him, played with him. But every time he got fussy, I felt this guilt rise up in my chest—like I should take him back, like it was my job to comfort him, even though she was already handling it with so much love and care.
Eventually, I did let her take over. I cleaned the house. I put things back in place, she helped me when the baby went down for a nap. And once our physical space was calm(er), I felt more like myself again.
You’d think I’d be better at asking for help by now. But I’m realizing that asking for help is a skill and it somehow applies differently in different parts of our lives. It’s not just about saying yes when someone offers, even. It’s about allowing yourself to need something, to receive it, and to believe you’re still a good or capable person/parent because you needed it, not in spite of it.
what’s working right now
Safe co-sleeping. We safely co-sleep whenever the baby doesn’t want to settle in his bassinet, and it’s made such a difference. Everyone sleeps longer and better, which makes the rest of it feel more doable. It’s all hard enough as it is, you know. And being rested doesn’t fix everything, but it does softens the edges a bit.
Days off for each other. Every other week, we each get a full day off: no childcare duties, just space to rest, wander, or do whatever we want. The other person takes on the full load for the day. It’s not always smooth, but it’s a way of showing up for each other as people, not just co-parents. And ultimately it helps us be better partners to each other and better parents to our kid.
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